in another odd mood and once again no real way to describe it...i kind of wish i could though, it might make it easier.
i think too much when i feel like this, and for me that's never good, i dwell on things and start to doubt myself and become confused, weird is it not? i never normally think enough, im very impulsive and always blurt out what's on my mind before i register what im truely saying. im better at this than i used to be though, where serious things are concerned i've learnt to think things through thoroughly before voicing my opinion or confronting someone. so i guess im making some progress, i think i'll always have a problem with doubting myself though. im the kind of person who needs people around them to just check with them that they're doing the right thing, and to believe in themselves. i dont like sharing problems however, so this can get tricky for me, frustrating sums it up nicely.
i can hear all sorts of things creaking outside due to the wind, it hasnt been windy in a while. to this extent anyway. its not an overly reassuring noise, it puts me on edge a bit, although im sure it affects a lot of people in a similar way, same as thunder (another great hate of mine). the noises inside the house are distinctly more unsettling, i can only link a few of them to their owners.
its hard to feel like im going anywhere, i feel as though im stuck in a rut. university isnt for me, but we are made to believe that it is the only way to get good jobs etc, i do feel like i will have to struggle twice as much to make myself heard. i guess in the line of work i want to break into it, its doesnt matter if you have a degree in it, all that matters is if you work is liked and appreciated, i think im slowly finding my own style as well which is helping.
im tired but i dont want to sleep, my dreams are not really enjoyable at the moment. cant stay awake forever though.
talking to old friends is nice, i miss them so much sometimes
love
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